Trying to find my father

Well, there's a new twist in my life-- I now know that my father isn't dead, but he just left. That's right-- just decided he didn't want to be around us as a family and refused to come home from work one night. Now how am I supposed to deal with that? especially since I'm an only child. Was it me? I ask inevitably? Did Dad really want a son? Did he not want kids at all? Was I such a cranky child that he couldn't stand to be around me? or is there some other reason I don't know? "Cut him some slack," Coogie tells me, but it's hard to do. Easy for him to say-- he's never known either of his parents and he's gotten used to that. But for me, this is new and I'm having a helluva time adjusting.